i wanted to write something...

but i am not too sure what direction i am currently headed as my finger's-on-the-keys get ahead of me slightly. maybe i wanted to mention that it is lonely in the woods when i don't have much money to set a side for excursions. maybe i wanted to talk about how i am reilaizing more so that people relationships are essential. perhaps i wanted to state that i really do not enjoy washing dishes-- even when the music is playing loudly and i am dancing about in something fun-- the dishes are still not inviting. it could be that i wanted to talk about the squash i had for lunch or the way the rain streaked down every window i peered out this morning and how it refreshed my very inards. maybe i wanted to talk about the laptop that i saw advertised and currently believe it is a worthwhile investment. perhaps i do want to talk about me. even though my socks are mismatched and i had a funny black marker smear across my hand today. even though i have again applied at another (job) location. even though... i still talk about me. i am still absorbed in my self, and my views and my opinions. i still crave for them to be heard. do i long to be pitied? understood? appreciated? probably. i wish it were different. i want to give again and not mind my giving going unnoticed. i long to see people once more as valuable treasures and peices of magnificent creation. i desire to know love. not some sappy romantic junk. rather the depth of genuine adoration and respect and grace poured upon. not nessicarly the care that another offers to a friend, but instead the courage it requires to honestly befriend a stranger with a stained reputation. i want to learn agian how to care. and as i quickly usher this information-- i wonder what it will require of me. me= a girl who dispises dishes. enough about me. i must ask another how they are. i must ask another how their heart beats these days. so i will.